Browse Professor Quotes

'You snot-nosed shit, Socrates!'
—Professor Murphy, GOVT 6, on what Thrasymachus has to say to Socrates at one point during Plato's Republic
For example, a relationship between a masochist and a sadist would probably work out perfectly...
'Beat me!'
'Okay!!'
—Professor Hull: Psychology 23 - Social Psychology
Ahh the x-hour, what a phenomenal breakthrough in pedagogy.
—Professor Edmondson: English 22 Medieval English Literature
yeah, i could hit that
—Prof Bill Roebuck while guest lecturing in ENVS 5 and trying to figure out how to turn on the video screen
You are buying a monument of Philosophy...for forty bucks.
—Prof. Levey (Phil 34) on justifying why our thin paperback textbook costs so much.
Before an exam: I've been reminded to inform you of the honor principle. I don't care if you cheat, because i will put a curse on you. Your offspring will be lizards and roam the deserts for thousands of years. That curse also applies to bad handwriting.
—Professor Abdi, Anthropology 24 (Civilizations of Ancient Egypt)
It's a completely made up property...chemists use it to make life easier
—Professor Belbruno, Chem006, on electronegativity
Last night I tried to imagine a world with no hypotheticals...
—Prof. Dale Turner: NAS 25 (Indian Country Today)
Geologists get high, but not on alcohol or drugs. We get high on rocks!
—Dr. Aaronson discussing the joys of geology, not realizing what "getting high on rocks" really means.
All the animals that thought about probability were eaten.
—Professor Tse, Psych 10: Statistical Analysis
...leave the speeding aside and stick to the steroids.
—Professor Pulju, Ling 1, on the Honor Code. (a metaphor run amok)
Student: Is it a boy or a girl?
Prof: Definitely. (class laughs)...What? Haven't you all taken Computer Science yet?
—Professor Leibon; Math 15.1, Math for Scientists & Engineers
Curiously, you find yourself in Mexico.
—Professor Edmonds, Econ 21: Intermediate Microeconomics
I don't know any where else in the world that you can walk outside of class like this and get high on joints.
—Dr. Aronson, Earth Sciences 1: Closing statements on 4/20/2005 after observation of rock jointing behind Fairchild Tower.
I failed three classes at Cornell. I didn't care about my grades. You think I'm going to care about yours?
—Professor Stam (as quoted by Professor Turner, GOVT 60), April 20
I have to move my office hours this week due to injury. I threw out my back changing my baby's diaper last night
—Prof. Leibon, apologizing to Math 10 for cancelling office hours
If I were going to make up a problem like this, I would lie, to be honest.
—Professor Joseph BelBruno, Chemistry 6, on a factually questionable example textbook problem.
While discussing probability and the gambler's fallacy: Any animal that does this kind of abstract thinking probably gets eaten.

—Professor Peter Tse, Psych 10 (statistics)
inadvertantly you may learn some new knowledge
—Prof. Stam describing the effects of attending his class
I wrote a book. It won a prize.
—Professor Hughes, Psychology 001
Tom DeLay would have been a good New Guinea Big Man.
—Professor Endicott, Anthro 38, on the political maneuvering skills of Melanesian Big Men
See, I never believed in Santa Clause because I knew no overweight white man was coming in to that neighborhood at night...
—Professor Cook, English 71
After performing an ANOVA by hand for homework: Nobody does what you did last night by hand.
—Professor Peter Tse, Psych 10 (stats)
Well there's a long answer and a short answer to that question. The short answer is-- next question??
—Prof. Dale Turner: NAS 25 (Indian Country Today)in response to a student's question.
So the court ruled that the American Indians could USE the land but they SURELY did not own it... and they said, you know, 'First of all, don't call me Shirley...'
—Prof. Dale Turner: NAS 25 (Indian Country Today), speaking of early Native American usufructory rights